Sunday, July 8, 2012

Preview: Crew at Montreal

There are several obvious reasons why it is tempting to bet the Crew to beat the Montreal Impact on Canadian soil this Sunday afternoon. The syllogism goes like this: The Quebecois are French. The French always surrender. Ergo, the Impact will lose.

Silly French. Always giving up.
Throw in the facts that the Crew have already beat the Impact 2-0 and are coming off an impressive home win over Fake Salt Lake, Montreal are on a 3-game losing streak, the Crew to win are paying +190 on the international betting markets, and the wager becomes downright irresistible. But resist you must, my dear comrades of Luchametric Nation. Here's why.

ROAD FORM: The Crew are 1-2-3 in their last 6 road games, averaging less than 1 goal per game in that span. The travel to Montreal is grueling, and the squad will be fatigued.

IMPACT HOME FORM: While they have had 2 consecutive disappointing home losses (to KC and Toronto), the Impact have had some recent spectacular home performances against solid clubs, including 4-2 win of Houston on June 23 and 4-1 win over Seattle on June 16.

DUE FOR A WIN: The Impact debut veteran defender Alessandro Nesta in this match, and more importantly he will be paired with his childhood friend and long-time teammate  Marco Di Vaio, who has so far failed to produce a single goal after his much heralded unveiling a month ago. Di Vaio is a dangerous and creative force up top, and a goal spree is long over due.

So, a Crew victory is not a good bet. But, the Luchametric Institute is recommending that followers lay down their money on the over (2.5 goals) at even money.

The Crew reportedly will get an offensive boost with the long-awaited debut of veteran Costa Rican attacker Jairo Arrieta. And they are due for a big goal performance.  

The Crew may very well pull this one off. And Lord knows El Luchador will be praying for a victory to Our Blessed Lady. But, when it comes to the pocket book. Bet the over. Do it.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

"Glory To Columbus, Here We Go!"

On Saturday, July 1, 2012, the Columbus Crew supporters organized in the northeast corner of Crew Stadium for a ritualistic tribal chant that channeled glory.


The result was a 2-0 victory over Romney-supporting, white-bread gobbling posers of Fake Salt Lake.

Glory to Columbus. Here we go.  

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

God Save the Queen and Her Fascist Regime

In honour of Her Royal Highness' Diamond Jubilee, El Luchador offers this classic tribute.
"No future, no future ..."

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Crew 2-1 Fire, MLS Semifinal, Crew Stadium, 2008

In preparation for their humiliation tonight at Columbus, Chicago Fire fans should watch this video summarizing the historic Crew victory over the Fire in November 2008 as the Crew rolled to their first MLS Cup Championship.

Header from Marshall to tie it at the 2:50 mark on the video and Eddie Gaven to win it at 3:36.


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Bet Bayern Munich to Beat Chelsea. Do It.

It's hard to resist the overarching narrative, the mythical allure, the psychic pull of Chelsea in the 2012 UEFA Champions League Final this Saturday.

It's left brain-right brain, yin-yang, good-evil, Spock-McCoy.

Any man in the Western Hemisphere with any heart should want England to reconquer Deutschland, for Chelsea to win the trophy that has always eluded them, and for the underdog to prevail at a decent price.

But as much as your heart may cry out to bet Chelsea, El Luchador's pick is Bayern Munich. Bet Bayern to win in regulation, and to lift the cup, here's why:
  • INJURIES: Chelsea is missing captain John Terry, fellow defender Branislav Ivanovich, and midfielder Raul Meireles. Caretaker Coach Roberto Di Matteo even speculated in the media this week that he might have to dip into the reserves to shore up the defence in this the most important game in club history.
  • HOME ADVANTAGE: Bayern host the match in the Allianz Arena where they have been formidable. They have not lost at home in 15 matches in all competitions, and have only one tie in that time frame dating to November 2011.
  • RECENT FORM: Bayern's only loss in 7 matches was last week at Dortmund in what amounted to an exhibition as Bayern focused on the UEFA Final with no chance of overtaking Dortmund for the Bundesliga title. Meanwhile, Chelsea in the last 7 matches are 3-2-2 and are more heavily played with their successful run in the FA Cup.
  • SENTIMENT: The Luchametric Institute has studied betting patterns for the last 20 years through a rigorous scientific instrument, and the numbers clearly show that the world wide betting public favors English teams in international club competitions by a statistically significant factor of 1.25 to 1. The compelling narrative of England once again defeating the German swine and the underdog Chelsea finally winning the UEFA Champions League, the one title they have never won, will combine to artificially distort the odds to make Bayern's payout more attractive.
Bet Bayern to win outright in regulation and as a backup,  bet them to win the title. Do it.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Requiem For Beulah Park

Louimpressme was the last horse to ever win a race in Grove City, Ohio, paying $9.60 in a starter allowance for fillies and mares on May 5, 2012. It was the filly's 4th Birthday, the traditional closing day for Grove City's Beulah Park, coinciding with the 138th running of the Kentucky Derby. Louimpressme stalked the pace, drew off, and pulled away in the stretch to win by 2 1/2 lengths over Coco's Mountain. The $2 trifecta paid $184.20.

Kentucky bred Louimpressme wins Beulah's last race.
Built in 1923, Beulah Park was the first thoroughbred race track in Ohio. After 89 years, on May 5th, 2012, Beulah succumbed to the trifecta of Corporate Greed, Casinos, and Corruption. 

Penn National Gaming, an independent human being according to the Supreme Court of the United States of America, purchased Beulah as part of a plot to exploit as much gambling capital as possible from the Buckeye State.

The plan was to colonize Columbus with a casino on the West Side, and to eliminate competition by moving Beulah to Youngstown. With the backing of lackey's cronies, and henchmen, the plan succeeded.

So, on Saturday, May 5, 2012, Louimpressme became the last horse to ever win a race in  Grove City, Ohio.

The home stretch at Beulah Park looks forlorn after the last race.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Here Are the Horses to Bet In the 2012 Kentucky Derby. Do It.

Greetings Luchametric Nation. Your comrade in the struggle is headed to the hinterlands south of the Ohio River this Saturday for the annual Dionysian rite of spring that is the Kentucky Derby. Mint Juleps for all the ladies.

The more learned among you will surely be asking one critical question: On which horses will the informed and skilled Luchador be placing his hard-won soccer wagering proceeds.

Here are my quick picks for the 2012 Kentucky Derby. For detailed analysis, see the complete Luchametric report at our proprietary affiliates by exclusive membership, upon referral.

Creative Cause 8: Winner of the G2 San Filipe at Santa Anita, this western shipper is ridden by the skilled Joel Rosario and has worked well recently over the Churchill dirt track. He has an impressive distance dirt pedigree and has never finished more than 1 length behind in his 8 career starts. The Mike Harrington-trained colt of Giant's Causeway drew the comfortable No. 8 post and is one of only 3 horse in the field to have hit the 100 Beyer figure (the others being favorite Bodemeister and 15-1 Daddy Nose Best.)
Bodemeister 6: The sentimental Bob Baffert heart attack angle will bet this horse to a disappointing price. However, you must include Bodemeister in all big tickets because of his top speed figures, winning record, impressive physical appearance, excellent Churchill recent workouts and the training style and track record of Baffert. Not to mention Hall of Fame jockey Mike Smith on board. Plus, the depressed odds will be countered by the 2-year-old curse (no horse in more than 100 years has won the derby not having raced as a 2 year old.).
Take Charge Indy 3: Two of the last 7 derby winners have come off of wins in the Florida Derby at Gulfstream Park, and these were Big Brown (2008) and Barbaro (2006). Take Charge Indy won this year's Florida Derby in decisive fashion against the likes of Union Rags and El Padrino. And his form has improved with each successive outing. Although he drew a difficult  inside 3 post, at least he's not on the rail, and he is under Hall of Fame Jockey Calvin Borel who won the 2010 Derby on 20-1 long shot Super Saver.    

Brothers and Sisters in the struggle for economic equality through responsible wagering: Here is the Luchador's officially sanctioned betting advice for the 2012 Kentucky Derby:  Bet 3 individual win place show bets on Bodemeister, Take Charge Indy and Creative Cause. Then bet a boxed trifecta including these three horses.

If you can afford if, do a back-up bet as follows: Trifecta 3,6,8/3,6,8/1,3,4,5,6,8,10,11,15,16,19

And keep in mind, The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Crew v Vancouver: Bet the Under

The Nordecke Luchador endorses Obama for President of the United States tonight at Crew Stadium.

With visiting Canadians in town from the Western Conference, El Luchador views it as an opportunity to make a political statement in front of our socialist brothers and sisters from north of the border.

The over-under on Romney-Obama stands at  55 Obama -110. Bet the over. Do it.

As far as the Crew v Vancouver today. Go Crew! But bet the under. Here's why: Vancouver has a 0 goal differential with only an average total of 2 goals scored per game by both sides in 7 matches, and they're on the road. While Columbus does have a a slightly higher 2.5 goals per game in just 6 matches played, they are playing in the wet cold against a solid side and the Crew have injuries and a virus going about with keeper Gruenebaum under the weather and Hesmer still out. They will play a conservative, defensive minded style. To top it off, this is the time of year when the Crew traditionally go on their annual goal fast.

Bet the under (2.5) and hope for it to end either 1-0, 0-0 or 1-1. Go Crew!