For the Punters: Choice World Cup Qualifiers (updated)

By El Chupa

Czech Republic at Slovakia: [What can we say? A GREAT match. The draw was probably more likely, but we like to throw the dice as much as anyone, as long as it's within reason. Hats off to the Czechs for coming back and salvaging the draw]. We think this may be the best bet of the weekend. The Czech Republic absolutely must win this game to keep their hopes alive of qualifying for South Africa. They are at the bottom of their group with a mere 8 pts, while Slovakia sits atop the group with 16. Yet the Czechs are rated higher than the Slovaks in the FIFA rankings, in spite of the fact Slovakia has already beaten the Czechs on the road at Prague. Dr. Bumba says the Czech rating is a result of previous efforts and does not reflect where the team really is at this point. The Slovaks now get to face the Czechs at home. Lest you think the Slovaks with 16 pts in the bag are unmotivated, remember that these two countries were once a single nation, and only a fool would underestimate just how tense the rivalry is between these two countries. This is war by another means, folks. The Czechs must attack, which might make them vulnerable to a Slovakian team that can clearly score. Currently, the books have + odds for both teams, with a bet on Slovakia to win coming in at +160. Folks, it doesn't get much better than this. If you can somehow watch this game, watch it; it should be outstanding football. For the Punters, honestly, this is some sweet action. Slovakia to win. El Chupa prefers IPAs and Porters, but would certainly enjoy a good true Pilsner while watching this match. Word.

Brazil at Argentina - This is another bitter rivalry. Security at the match will be crazy. Argentina needs a win badly both to keep them in the top four and for national pride. Dunga will most likely send Brazil out in a formation Maradona has never seen before. Dunga has pointedly built the Brazilian team to forgo beauty for defense and for results, but Brazil can and will score, and they will not concede three points easily, or even play for the draw unless they are behind late in the game. Messi chose not to play in Barca's first La Liga match so he could prepare with the Argentinian National Team. But Argentina has clearly not gelled yet under Maradona. Dr. Bumba thinks a Brazilian win is a good bet.

El Salvador at US - Dr Bumba is unequivocal in his belief that the US will beat El Salvador and beat them badly. The El Salvador is playing a US team that is motivated both to make up for the last two games against Mexico, and to make up for their poor performance in a draw down in El Salvador in the early summer. Take the US to win as part of a parley, and quite possibly take the over if it pays well.

For further analysis, check out our friends at http: //www.goonersguide.com/

EPL Luchametric Update: My Arse

By El Chupa
We've updated the EPL rankings through Liverpool's dismal performance at home against Aston Villa yesterday. Since we've now made it clear that our loathing for Liverpool FC and it's knuckle-dragging fans is close behind that of only Toronto and the Italian and Mexican Men's National Teams, we take heart in knowing that the soccer gods are on our side. Is it only coincidence that Liverpool lost their first match since destroying our beloved World Soccer Daily broadcast? Of course not. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster and our brother and sister pirates in the World Football Nation for that one. Villa owes us big time.

Oh, Aresenal is still on top. Duh. And for all the doomsayers in the British press who are already counting Liverpool out, give me a break. It's August for Christ's sake you limey monkeys. Go to the dentist already.

El Luchador's Line: DAL at RSL

The latest line on this match is as follows:

RealSaltLake -142 FCDallas +335 Tie +240 Over 2.5 (-142) Under 2.5 (even).

We think this is about right. The Luchametric power rankings have DAL at 37.5 and RSL at 78. The other numbers tell us that RSL is very tough at home, and that DAL doesn't win on the road. Neither does DAL score (especially on the road), and they give up a lot of SHT generally as well as goals on the road in particular. Both are near the bottom of the actual standings, but RSL has a positive GD and DAL has a negative GD. Both teams will be without their respective best scorers as both Cooper (DAL) and Beckerman (RSL) are up with the US Men's National Team at the Gold Cup. Dallas will have their starting goalkeeper back from injury, which should help. However, El Luchador strongly thinks that the elevation of Rio Tinto Stadium (4,450 ft) is impacting teams as they come into play RSL. Dallas players will be going from 450ft above sea level to over a mile above sea level.

El Luchador says: take RSL to win. A $142 bet will earn you $100. That's a 70% return on your investment. Do the math.

As always, check your sources for the most up-to-date lines available.

Message From 'Bradley' to El Tri: Don't Bother

There have been rumors and reports left and right about where the Mexicans are staying in Columbus this week. El Luchador has the real scoop.

It appears that "El Tri" are staying at the Westin Columbus on South High Street. Rumors that they have moved to the Double Tree Guest Suites on Front Street were part of a rouse the Mexicans have attempted to pull in order to thwart any attempts to fuck with them.

Here’s how the agents at Nordecke Central came to this conclusion:

Several of our operatives called the Doubletree using both American and Mexican accents and asking to speak with several players off the Mexican roster. The answer was always the same: a polite, “We have no guest here by that name.”

Then, we called the Westin, and it went like this (actual transcript):

Operator: “Hello, the Westin Columbus, how may I help you?”
El Luchador Agent: “Hi, I have a client who I think is staying there this evening, and I would like to get in touch with him.”
Operator: “OK, what is the name sir?”
El Luchador Agent: “Omar Bravo.”
Operator: “Let me check that for you. PAUSE. OK, sir, I am unable to connect you to that guest, but I would be happy to relay a message to him. Is there a message you would like for me to give to Mr. Bravo?”
El Luchador Agent: “Yes, please tell him that he doesn’t need to show up to the event on Wednesday.”
Operator: “And you are?”
El Luchador Agent: “Bob Bradley.”
Operator: “OK, I have the message for guest Omar Bravo as, ‘Bob Bradley says you do not need to show up to the event on Wednesday.’ Is that correct, sir?”
El Luchador Agent: “Yes that’s correct, no need to bother showing up.”
Operator: “We will make sure that Mr. Bravo gets that message.”
El Luchador Agent: “Thanks so much, and have a nice evening.”
Operator: “You too sir.”

Try it yourself:
Westin Columbus
http://www.westincolumbus.com/ 310 S. High StreetColumbus, OH 43215(614) 228-3800

Or better yet, go down there and make some noise.

Bookies Favor USA, Team Stays at Hyatt Cap Square, Hejduk to Start

If the men in the smoke-filled backrooms off shore at sportsbook.com are right, the United States will defeat Mexico on Wednesday or at worst walk away with a tie.

After weeks of laying back, apparently now enough people are interested in wagering on Wednesday’s smack down at Crew Stadium that the bookies have set a line, and it goes like this:

USA to Win: -125
Mexico to Win: +280
Tie: +220

For the novices, what this means is $100 on U.S.A. pays out $125 for a $25 profit. $100 on Mexico pays $280 for a $180 profit. And $100 for a tie nets $120 in profit.

El Luchador does not endorse illegal activity (other than sedition). However, if you are reading this from one of the many places on the planet where sports betting is legal (not Columbus, Ohio), then here is my advice: Do not bet on this game. The way these odds have been set tells you that all the money is being placed on the United States, and this is probably being influenced by rabid fans blindly supporting USA rather than honest, rational assessments about what is going to actually happen on the field.

That being said, El Luchador has already made his prediction, and he is sticking with it: USA 2, Mexico 1, with goals by Robbie Rogers and Sacha Kljestan.

Anyways, here is a round up on Wednesday’s game:

• The team has now landed in C-Bus and are staying Downtown at the Hyatt on Capitol Square.


• Frankie Hejduk will start at right back.


• I hate to always pick on the Dispatch, and they clearly have been trying on their soccer coverage lately. But, I couldn’t let this one go: Bob Hunter actually wrote the following phrase in Sunday’s paper, and it actually made it past his editors and into the paper: “Soccer fans here understand that the rivalry between the two nations is as hot as a jalapeno and as salty as a margarita.” Seriously?


• If Sven Goren Eriksson faces a humiliating defeat in Columbus on Wednesday against the U.S., he will be fired. There already rumors in the Mexican media that Javier Aguirre of Atletico Madrid will be the next coach for Mexico if Eriksson fails against the Americans. "It will be difficult, we know it will be a tough game, as history suggests, but we are going to work with optimism," Erickson told Rueters.


• The same Sweden squad that lost to the U.S. last week, just four days later dismantled the Mexicans in a 1-0 victory at the Oakland Coliseum before 46,000 mostly Mexican fans, who repeatedly booed their feeble fellow countrymen.


• A few basic facts about Mexico: The Mexican national football team is currently ranked 26th in the FIFA World Rankings. The United States is 22nd. Mexico has not failed to qualify for the World Cup since 1990, and that was not because of elimination in competition, but for rule violations in the 1988 Seoul Olympics, where they fielded players above the FIFA age limit (cheaters). The last time they failed to qualify in actual competition was 1974. Their best performances came in 1970 and 1986, when they reached the quarterfinals. Not coincidentally, both of these performances came when the tournament was played in Mexico.

US-Mex Tix Available at Claddagh, Practice Cancelled

If you didn’t get tickets to the Feb. 11 USA-Mexico game or you didn’t want to spend the $90 plus surcharge and tax at Ticketmaster, try this special deal at Claddagh Irish Pub (585 S. Front St.): $75 gets you a ticket to the game, special deals at the pub before the game (discounted drinks, appetizers, etc.) and a seat on the bus that will be running between the pub and Crew Stadium. Call (614) 224-1560.

There’s now more information and a page up on Facebook for the Feb. 12 Crewzers Pre-Valentines Day Pajama Party. El Luchador may make an appearance.

The Crew has released the full 2009 schedule. Buzz kill: There are a lot of Sunday games, and not a whole lot of TV coverage.

The Crew started reporting to preseason camp on Sunday, and their first training was scheduled for today. However, it was cancelled because of the snow. Stay tuned.

The Dispatch's Soccer Coverage Sucks

If you relied exclusively on the Columbus Dispatch for your sporting news, you wouldn’t even have known that the U.S. National Team was playing on Saturday, much less that several Crew members were on the roster.

OK, here it is brothers and sisters. I don’t want to hate the players or the game, but Ohio’s “Greatest Hometown Newspaper” actually has contempt for soccer. It’s not indifference or ignorance, it’s contempt.

El Luchador has sat on this one for a long time, but Saturday brought it to a head. The U.S. Men’s National Team was facing off against Sweden on national television. The Crew’s Robbie Rogers was set to make his debut with the senior team. Three other Crew players were on the roster.

The Columbus Dispatch didn’t even list the game on its “On Air” section. There were listings about obscure women’s basketball games and some bullshit golf match in Abu Dhabi. But there was no mention of the U.S.-Sweden game. Then on Sunday, there was no game recap.

Routinely, the Dispatch ignores major soccer news, doesn’t feature the games on its listings, and instead covers silly Ohio State minutiae. Just look at their Web site: They have a listing for “OSU Sports” and a separate listing for “More Sports.”

The fat Republican philistines who comprise the Dispatch sports desk sit and jerk off to every last detail of Ohio State football. You can read entire articles about the injured ankle of obscure NFL players. But when it comes to coverage of soccer, they are willfully ignorant.

Columbus has a huge soccer community and a gigantic audience for coverage of the beautiful game.

Sports Editor Ray Stein’s refusal to acknowledge this and his fetish-like obsession with Ohio State Football is an embarrassment to journalism.

Memo to Shawn Mitchell: If the provincial, narrow-minded douche bags in charge of your newspaper don’t get a clue, they are in danger of extinction.

Robbie Rogers to Get First Cap

Tune in tonight as Robbie Rogers makes his national team debut before his hometown fans in the stadium he watched be built as a youngster and where his Crew won the MLS Cup just two months ago.

While the line-ups won’t be released until game time, El Luchador has learned that it is a done deal: Coach Bob Bradley will start the 21-year old Crew stand-out in the friendly against Sweden at the Home Depot Center in Carson, Calif. Rogers will earn his first cap in front of family and friends.

Rogers is listed as a midfielder and will play in an attacking role in a 4-4-2 formation, El Luchador predicts. The game starts at 8:30 p.m. EST and is available on Fox Soccer Channel.


Rogers played for his country at the 2007 FIFA U-20 World Cup in Canada. And of course was outstanding as a starter for the men's 2008 US Olympic Team in Beijing. But this will be his first appearance with the big boys.

Unless the Chicago Fire’s Jon Busch (MLS goalkeeper of the year) gets injured and other things break his way, Wil Hesmer will warm the bench tonight.

Eddie Gaven and Brian Carroll could see action as substitutes in the midfield because injuries and overseas obligations have left Bradley with a somewhat shallow squad, and he will need to give some of the youngsters a chance.

Many of the U.S. regular starters are competing overseas, including Landon Donovan, Tim Howard, Carlos Bocanegra and Oguchi Onyewu. So, Bradley is anxious to give playing time tonight to other players before the first World Cup qualifier Feb. 11 against Mexico in C-Bus.

Big Chad Marshall had to leave the training camp due to knee injury, but he is reported to be recovering well. He should be good to go as the Crew report for preseason this Sunday.

Watch the game at Claddagh Irish Pub (585 S. Front St.) where Frankie Hejduk will be on hand, according to brother Crewfighter.

5 Crew Mates On Board With U.S.A.

By Gory Guerrero

Five Columbus Crew members have been tapped by Bob Bradley on the 25-man roster for the January U.S. National team training camp.

Top of the list: Chad Marshall. Just yesterday, there were those who were questioning El Luchador’s prediction that Marshall’s decision to stay with the Crew in 2009 enhances his prospects for a call-up. Voila. Next stop: South Africa.

Also on the very young list: goal keeper Will Hesmer, midfielders Brian Carroll and Eddie Gaven, and midfielder-forward Robbie Rogers.

"This is the beginning of a big year for the national team, and it is important that we get started off heading in the right direction," Bradley is quoted on MLSnet. "This is another great opportunity to reinforce the principles of how this team operates both on and off the field, as well as getting players ready for the match against Sweden and the first World Cup qualifier this year against Mexico in February."

The training camp begins Jan. 4 at the National Training Center at the Home Depot Center in Carson, California. The 25 will train for the United States’ first 2009 match-up, a friendly against Sweden 8 p.m. EST on Jan. 24 at The Home Depot Center. The game is scheduled to be broadcast live on Fox Soccer Channel.

Of course this means that members of Crew Soccer Nation likely will have an opportunity to see five of their own in action on Feb. 11 in the World Cup qualifer against Mexico.

Hesmer will have to compete with Goalkeeper of the Year and former Crew man Jon Busch (Chicago Fire), Troy Perkins (Valerenga IF) and Matt Pickens (out of contract).

There are only two veterans on the young team, Cory Gibbs (Colorado Rapids) and Brian Ching (Houston Dynamo).Clearly, Bradley is pursuing an Arsene Wenger-style young blood strategy.

That’s fine, but where is Frankie Hejduk?

USA v Mexico Feb 11 Crew Stadium

The rumors were wrong. US Soccer has done the right thing. As much as El Luchador disdains nationalism and xenophobia, he will be at Crew Stadium Feb. 11 to cheer the US National Team to their third consecutive home victory over Mexico. Our brothers and sisters south of the border are deserving of our respect, but this is business. South Africa calls. USA!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phnj1wDcGE8